Sunday, 19 October 2014

So tell me, why ARE you 'putting up with it'?

Meet Fred. Fred is in his thirties and is an accountant at a law firm. He doesn't really like his job, his boss is overbearing, his work colleagues constantly slack off leaving him to deal with everything but he gets on with it.

After work, he goes home and spends some time with his partner and his kids before going out for a drink with some of the guys. His friend Paul, after having several beers and spending the night embarrassing Fred, has realised that he's forgotten his wallet again and nags Fred to pay for him. Fred does, mumbling under his breath, before going back home feeling fed up after the day he's had.

Image from Google

Why is Fred putting up with this?

Maybe it's because Fred feels as though he has no other option. Maybe it's because Fred feels as though this is his life now and he has to 'put up with it', take a stiff upper lip and just get on with things.

But what if Fred is wrong? What if Fred doesn't have to 'put up with it'?

What if things could change?

We tend to carry on with how things are without trying to alter them for various reasons. Sometimes we can't imagine things any other way- we become so used to how things are that we can't see any alternative and so become stuck in that mind-set. Sometimes we feel as though making a change might cause harm to ourselves or those around us or that the decision to do something might blow up in our face and cause a lot of damage to our lives. Sometimes the problem is that we just accept the love or the respect that we think we deserve.

Change is scary. No matter what the change is you will always get that flutter of nerves in the pit of your stomach. Yet, if you do nothing, no matter how much you wish for things to change they're not going to.

Whenever you find yourself wondering if you should do something, it's important to ask yourself the simple question of why you are putting up with the problem and come up with three good reasons.

Let's get back to Fred. Why is he putting up with his job? He may feel as though he has to put up with his job to pay the bills, he may feel as though he has to put up with his job as he doesn't have anything else to go to and he may feel as though he has to put up with his job because his family are relying on him to provide an income.

All three are very good, very legitimate reasons but notice that not one of them give a reason as to why he has to put up with it forever but rather for now.

Let's look at the other problem in Fred's life. His friend Paul, after giving him grief all night, has gotten Fred to pay his bill for him again- something which seems to be a reoccurring problem. Why is he putting up with his friend's behaviour? It could be because he's a friend... but why else would he put up with it? It may cause an argument with his friend if he doesn't approach the problem carefully but apart from that there is nothing to gain from staying quiet.

So, what do we do when we try to come up with three reasons and can't? What's next?

You take the time to work out your next step.

You start to look for other jobs whilst carrying on with the one you have. You think of how to talk to your friend and explain how their behaviour isn't acceptable. You accept that you have a problem and try to work out how to tackle it from there. Step by step.

Where are you having issues in your life? Do you really have to put up with it or can you make a change for the better?

Think about it.

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